By Candle, write (Original WWI Poem)

On Monday 4th August, homes all over England turned off their lights from 10PM until 11PM.

11PM marked the centenary of declaration of war on Germany. WW1 had started.
During this candle vigil I was inspired to write. I had no agenda, no plan. I just wrote. This piece; excepting a few minor changes, is the result of an hour of remembrance.

By Candle, write.

I barely see what I write,

illumination scarce.

Coming and going at its own pace.

At time it's still,

tranquil,

in tune with the old beauty of this place.

At others,

the twitches of candle flames strobe shadows like the guns.

Only FEAR remains.

Glory isn't here,

not as promised.

"Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori"

I don't know these sentiments.

The light haunts me.

Friend? Foe?

Mortal, man.

What distinctions are lost at the turn of night.

I got here knowing,

knowing this was big.

No sign of end,

of safety.

Two years now.

Two years I live this way,

from mudhole to mudhole.

Shells have different meaning here,

home was beauty in shells.

here they are fear,

and salvation.

I go over the top tomorrow.

Too many fall this way,

but we're making ground.

I can hardly focus,

praying to a God I don't believe in,

to bless me and hold me safe.

SHADOWS

FEAR

Shapes of things I know,

change,

around me

shapes of death,

destruction, guns, bodies.

Friends, comrades,

brothers.

Men of valor falling aside,

no words can save them now.
They died, alone. In pain,

and sorrow, no hope,

love.

Was it our mercy to slaughter?

Were we blessed to escape?

Could we be free in death?

No more blood, pain, FEAR

Lights Out

I can't see now. But must write.

Sanity is scarce.

Lost in history of terror.

When can I rest.

"Pay attention boys

Eyes front.

Ready, Ready, Ready. UP!'

More commands, these I know.

I know their meaning,

escape.

Time,

for the final, pain.

I don't want to die alone.

I think of home,

fond and ashamed,

could I return from this.

That life is gone.

Cannon, fodder.

I drift.

Empty and endless.

Tomorrow I write my own ending.

in Grace.

Next generation distractions.

So,

With the press release of the Xbox One in the news recently and stories of a PS4 to be released by Christmas, I thought it was about time I shared my perspective on the consoles.

Sony vs. Microsoft would seem to many people a ridiculous mismatch, after all Sony are at heart a hardware company with generally weak software shipped with each product, whilst Microsoft are ultimately a software company, providing a huge percentage of the standard PC software to hardware companies from Lenovo to Samsung...

The modern console market - PS2 and Xbox original era - has a very small range of choice. You are essentially choosing between Sony, Microsoft or Nintendo. However the later is doing something original in the Wii and the WiiU - even though I dislike it intensely - is innovation for sure.

But from here, where does the market go? All three devices are moving more and more towards being the ultimate home entertainment system, including BlueRay players, music libraries and Terabytes of memory.

Honestly, there is one logical move that will split the market as it stands.

Complete integration.

Imagine a Sony Bravia TV with the latest console built right in to the hardware. You now have a TV that can store films, connect to the internet, stream films, download music, play games. What you have done is remove the need for the most extortionate part of any satellite or cable TV deal - the box.

Great for Sony. Again, hardware company.
Not so great for Microsoft, again, software company.

However, in a market move such as this it is not inconceivable to see a partnership between Microsoft and any large technology company. The best bet would likely be Samsung at the moment but who knows for the future. Ultimately Microsoft would be doing what they always have specialised in, providing a software platform and letting a hardware company provide the rest.

Samsung and Microsoft would be wise to make such a move, with the possibility of Samsung getting access to an exclusive Windows Phone contract and the idea of call of duty coming to a mobile handset would be too much for all the COD addicts out there to resist.
I hope such a thing never exists, but if it does, it will make money, which is why I fear that it shall...

Symphony of sense

So,

I just spent an hour in my bathroom, in a warm - well bubbled - bath, with about 15 candles and one album of music.

Today I've felt really rubbish, I needed to reinvigorate myself, and for me there is no better way than to spend an hour in a warm bath, basking and bathing in God's presence, praying occasionally intentionally but generally just spending time in the courts of The Holy Spirit.

So imagine the scene - if you can place yourself in it - really really dark room, warm water rippling in response to any movement, the mountains of bubbles popping gently, candle light flickering around the room. Quietly playing the album Valtari by Sigur Ros in the background.

Gradually you become aware of the popping of the bubbles. They are present as the music builds and falls, that seem to be in time with the song but also complementing and accompanying it. They are continually bursting, popping in random perfection.

With your eyes closed you still notice the way the candle flickers. The way it rolls, building and fading. As if conspiring with the bubbles, syncing its flitting to the music. It fills the room, rippling around as if in slow motion, you can almost track its motion.

Your have been still and silent for 25 minutes now. All the while you're asking God to reveal something amazing, breathtaking; perhaps unbelievable to you. Oblivious to the symphony of sense surrounding you.

The warmth and softness of the water, the bubbles playing their own song through the music, the light dancing throughout. The symphony of sense envelopes you.
The gentle crackle of a candle burnt to embers adding another layer to the music. The sweet scent of its smoke fills the air as the smoke itself carves an intricate dance.

Light dances. Scents drift and sound sings, carried by the wind of truth that nothing is dull until it is considered ordinary. That everything has beauty, even that which cannot be appreciated.

There is a God.
Every sound is singing, everything has a response to bring to Him. Maybe you just don't open your eyes enough to see.

This is the bath I just had.

Sooo.... About those videos...

Hey,

Me again... Before I get all defensive let me say in good grace I'm struggling, and in the time I would have been making videos or blogging I've been pushing myself to the absolute limit.

I haven't wavered from my diet, I'm still on track, and if NY calculations are right - probably not right.. - then when I finish tomorrow evening I will have actually eaten about 60p less than my £5 budget because of excess rice and vegetables.
So give me some credit!

So I last posted anything g worthwhile on Tuesday - I get that's a long time in the course of a 5 day challenge, but I'm here now to fill I'm on all the excitement

Tuesday
Went down to a local cafe and spent the day there, being around delicious food and the smell of coffee (even though I don't like it) was an absolute killer, but I wasn't too hungry then.
As a result of an afternoon there I was absolutely wiped out by the time I got home, i managed to eat and sleep.

Wednesday
So yesterday, the day was reasonably relaxed, but then it needed to be, by now I was getting really really famished. To the point of physical pain in my stomach almost constantly. Despite this I decided to cycle 2 miles to go and play football with some church lads for 2 hours then cycle home, all before dinner. Now this conflicted with my original editing and uploading slot and again by the time I was home (10-ish) I needed to eat and sleep.

Thursday
Today has been very busy, reasonably active and I've pushed myself as much as possible just to see where my physical limits lie. I volunteered down at House Café - same cafe as Tuesday - for about 4 hours in total and cycled the 4 mile round trip. Getting home at around 3.30 - without having had lunch - a friend got in touch asking if I fancied going for a wander in the park. So I warmed up my remaining meatballs from yesterday and had to leave immediately.
Now this really has pushed me, because I'm used to sitting around on my computer and whilst I'm fit enough to deal with a full day, I'd much prefer to do so with a full stomach

Please forgive how brief this post is given how much I should theoretically have to say. But the truth of the matter is, I'm not great with words, and whatever I say, if the idea of surviving on essentially just rice, porridge, and water doesn't sound horrific then I will not be able to convince you otherwise.

I would still encourage people to go to the Live Below the Line UK webpage and donate to the cause. I personally am supporting tearfund, but if you have a preference please donate to whichever charity you'd prefer.

For now folks, I need to sleep.

P.S. I will try to do another video, but talking to a camera is really weird... :/

Day 2 - Delicious Dinner

Only the one blog post today, but its been a busier day for sure!

Meals-

Breakfast
Porridge, 1/3 of a banana and some jam.
Could have been an awful lot worse, I was certainly hungrier this morning, so was more willing to fight through the blandness of the porridge. Banana really did help a lot, especially to divert flavour away from the intense sweetness in the jam.

Lunch
6 meatballs with flatbreads.
Really enjoyed lunch actually, the sauce with the meatballs is actually rather nice when its not being run through a huge amount of rice. And I love the flatbreads anyway.

Snack
I got a bit peckish having been out cycling so had a couple more flatbreads with jam.

Dinner
Rice, Irish Stew, Mixed veg and flatbreads
Surprisingly nice actually. Had the rice on one side of the bowl, which meant all the liquid in the stew didn't get wasted. The stew was surprisingly amazing, with broken pieces of mutton giving me something to look forward to.

So the meals today were an awful lot better than they were yesterday that is an absolute certainty. But also I had more to do today, whilst cycling home from church on Sunday my rear brake fell off. So I cycled to the shop - with extreme caution - got it fixed and then headed down to House Cafe in Camberwell for the afternoon. You would have thought there would be nothing worse than a cafe when your not allowed to eat or drink any of the amazing things they sell, but the company made the day a whole lot easier to deal with.

It is difficult though, I could pretend everything is perfect and I'm getting on fine, but that simply is not the case.

I'm reasonably fit, and today after cycling less that 2 miles (I cycle roughly 5 miles every Sunday) I found myself really really worn out. At the cafe I drunk a 2 litre bottle of water is brought with me and still couldn't shift the headache is picked up during the ride. By the time I'd cycled the same 2 miles back I was absolutely shattered. So much so that I had a snack and went to lie down for a while.So sorry for not putting up a video today, I do have a plan to make up for it tomorrow.

But being at the cafe this afternoon really stuck me. It was difficult to be around such rich food and abundant flavoursome drinks without being tempted. And normally I'd have just whipped out 1.50 for a Hot chocolate and a brownie.
I'm beginning to see what its like to not have the 'disposable' income that I would usually spend on this.

Also, today my sister told me that she is keeping a food diary, so at the end of the week we will compare prices and vague calories to get an idea of the difference between being below the poverty line and being a super diligent student.

Day 1 - Evening thoughts

So, today has been a long and relatively uneventful day.

I've had a headache most of the day despite drinking bucket loads of water. I suppose this is unlikely to be related to the diet, but it will be interesting to see how it progresses from here.

My plan for dinner was reasonably straightforward, wait as late as possible, eat and then go to sleep. That continues to be the plan - I'm in bed as I write this - but dinner itself was more of a challenge than I had anticipated.

I had rice, half a can of meatballs and some mixed vegetables. I had hoped to have a flat bread or two with it as well but sadly the dough had got wet and from tests before the challenge I know no reasonable amount of flour will save it. At least there is a lesson in the flat bread dough, I made it at breakfast for lunch and dinner. Instead I'll make it at lunch for lunch and dinner.

But even more concerning than that is when I went to open the can of meatballs, I realised I had no idea where the tin opener was... That could have ended badly, but it showed up in the end.

If you're looking at the picture thinking it looks unappetising, you'd be very very right. It was quite unpleasant to eat. My hope is that as I get hungrier I'll understand the need to eat is greater than the struggle with the taste.

Tonight I go to bed hungry, not comparably to people living below the line everyday. But hungry enough to notice it, but I know I have enough food for tomorrow.

Saving Grace.

Day 1 - Gruel.

Welcome to day 1 of Live Below the Line.

First thing this morning, I woke up headed down to the kitchen and as usual immediately went to the fridge and got out a carton of orange juice. Went to get a glass, and then I realised.

As I put the orange juice back in the fridge I noticed a cupcake on the sideboard, taunting me. I cant believe my mum would leave that in full view... But I held fast on the very first meal of the day, as you can see from the picture my breakfast was a very unpleasant porridge. There are very few things that have less taste than porridge made with water. My jam didn't make a huge difference either, if anything the sweetness made it even less pleasant.

But this challenge was never meant to be easy. And I had water in the tap, instead of having to walk miles for it.

Saving grace I suppose.

Water.

So for the next 5 days I'll be drinking water. And water alone.

But.

I don't really think I realised how easy that is until just now. I was filling my bedside pint glass for the night, from the sink in my bedroom. Maybe 12 foot from my bed, probably less. And it took me about a minute to get there, run the water for a bit to get to the cold stuff from the tank and then fill a pint of water into my glass.

In October 2011 I volunteered in Tanzania with my school, and one day we went and collected water from the local pump. The local pump was a thirty minute walk away, maybe more.
Once you've got to the pump, you have to pump the water out of ground, whilst that sounds straight forward enough, try doing it when the metal has been in the full heat of the sun all day, and the mechanism has never been oiled, and there are 20 other people all watching you struggle.

Honestly the experience of getting water isn't ever comparable between the two places, and the village we stayed in was one of the closest to any pump of all the villages. Infact the same pump served a village over 1 and a half hours away. I hope that when I wake up tomorrow faced with porridge made with just water I remember how lucky I am to have water from a tap.

Not to mention the fact that pumped water needs to be sterilised using Chlorine tablets.

Sadly, this will become a recurring theme, that there is a saving grace about everything I do that whilst its a huge challenge for me, it really doesn't come close to the truth of the matter.

Welcome back - Some change round here.

Hello.

This blog is going to be going back into action over the next week. In fact, expect a post every day at least once.

My name is not important, but if you've followed a link here you already know who I am. A few things you need to know about me to start off with though.

1. I'm a Christian, and I love Jesus.
2. I'm passionate about seeing everyone fed enough everyday, regardless of where they live or who the are.
3. I like to seriously challenge myself.

So in aid of those three facts, for the next 5 days, starting on Monday 29th April until Friday 3rd May, I will be living below the line.

What does that mean exactly?

Well, it means what you make of it, but in essence 25% of the worlds population survive on the equivalent of £1 a day for everything.

Live Below The Line challenges people to survive on that amount for just Food. Easy enough you might think, but not if you want to eat healthily and include fresh fruit or veg at all.

Follow me for the next 6 days as I challenge myself to be disciplined OK n this challenge. Also find out my take and my twist on the challenge in daily video blogs.

God Is Great

Hey guys.

I'd just love to share a testimony with you.

 I was away with my church last weekend, and the youth were asked to stand in the center and be prayed for if they wished. I stood, and received prayers, but after about twenty minutes of praying we (youth) were asked to turn and pray into the adults and I just really felt good in God so I stayed still.

Another twenty minutes or so later I'm still standing there, having not moved and feeling released. But when we were told to break up for lunch I couldn't move. My feet were just stuck to the floor, and by no power in me could I move them.
About half an hour passed of the church leaders praying into me, and still my feet were stuck. I asked two of my youth friends who'd stayed to pray over me to push me over and as I hit the ground my back and shoulders were stuck to the ground. AGAIN by no strength I had in me could I get up.

My friend tried to pull me up and I just couldn't be moved, one really strong guy eventually got me up, but my feet were stuck again.

Long story short, after over 2, nearly 3 hours I'm still stuck there, one foot now released and under my control, the other still pinned to the floor. By this point everyone knows I need to be moved, and my youth leader helps me up from the chair i'd been given and lifts my stuck leg forward so that i could walk. It just wouldn't bend the muscles were locked as they were.

Half way out of the room something felt different and I tried to move it, and with a lot of effort, A LOT OF EFFORT, some real pain and strength I could pick it up, and I got the foot to knew height and it was back.


It was just the weirdest experience, and since I just feel that God has enlightened me with the meaning that no matter how physically strong I am, I cannot escape him. That I will be locked in his love and that I must give up my problems to me, that I have spent too long being the pillar for others and that it is now time that I pass these things over to him instead.

God Strong - It has a new meaning now!